Close

February 19, 2010

An ode to the recruitment process

Three men were sentenced to death by firing squad: a retired sabre tooth hunter, a perpetual job seeker, and a head hunter.

The firing squad’s commander decided to shoot the retiree first, because he had the least time left to live. So, they blindfolded the poor old guy and the commander shouted:

“Ready!”

“Aim!”

The retiree, an avid birdwatcher, thought he saw a frigate bird (also known as the hurricane bird) in the distance.  So he immediately (and enthusiastically) shouted “Hurricane! Hurricane!”

The firing squad panicked and ran away. When they came back, the retiree had gone off to invent the game of golf.

Next they decided to shoot the “job seeker” –  in this economy he had the least to live for.

So they put him against the post and the commander shouted:

“Ready!”

“Aim!”

In the heat of the day, the job seeker hallucinated and thought he saw his girlfriend dancing with a cup of water and calling his name.

“Marcia!” he shouted with a dry mouth. “Give me some!”

The firing squad thought that he saw Martians, and they ran away screaming their heads off.

Well, when they got back, the jobseeker had gone off to establish himself as the world’s first career counsellor, and only the head hunter was left.

When they tied the head hunter to the pole, he was a very happy bunny.  He “knew” these assassins were idiots who’d run at a moment’s notice, and knew just how to outwit them.

So when the commander shouted “Ready!”

“Aim!”

The head hunter looked out into the distance with a false but convincing cry of alarm and interrupted:

“Fire, Fire, Fire!!”

Soon after the smoke cleared, the commander got a promotion and his squad were given hefty bonuses (subsidised by the taxpayer of course.)

Adapted from a playground favorite by Vasco Phillip de Sousa