London, April 1, 2010: A large Hong Kong firm has bought the United Kingdom and paid off Britain’s debts. In return, Gordon Brown has agreed that Britain will adopt Chinese culture, including the Chinese calendar.
On February 3 2011 (Chinese New Year), Brown and Cameron have agreed to dress up like giant Rabbits to ring in the “Year of the Rabbit”. They will then declare the end of the Gregorian Calendar in England and Wales. (Northern Ireland and Scotland to follow after a fixed referendum in 2013).
By the year 2028, Cantonese will become one the UK’s official languages, with English being phased out by the end of the century.
This won’t be the first calendar change for Britain. Leaving the Celtic calendar for the Roman calendar and temporary adopting the Germanic Wo Odin calendar, England (and most of Europe) then adopted the Julian Calendar. (Greg and Julian weren’t even British! Can you believe that?)
Welsh and Scottish tribes have a variety of calendars. In response to the news, a dazed out man holding an open bottle asked “What day is it anyway?!”
The Gregorian Calendar was invented at the end of the middle ages to take into account the irregular ratio of days to years. (Yes, dear old Gregory gave us the leap year.) The UK didn’t adopt it until the 18th century, when there were rumors that Julian was being traded for A.C. Milan.
And when Russia adopted it under Lenin, “yesterday” was more than ten days away. According to the Gregorian Calendar, the October Revolution actually happened in November.
But will any of that matter now?
by Aryu Zerias
