July 26, 2018

How not to sell yourself

Occasionally, I get a spam message from someone trying to sell their services.  These are not replies to jobs I had posted, and they are not aimed at me.

Here’s the latest one.  It’s actually better than most, at least the individual has outlined some abilities.  Now, you might say a bad pitch is better than no pitch, but before you send me a pitch, read this and think, “would I reply to this nonsense, or even click on the links?  Why or why not?”  What’s missing from this pitch?  How could you improve it?

Greetings Mr. and/or Mrs. film production company!
How are you on this fine day? Anyways I’m writing to you today to apply for your freelance animator position. (Which you may or may not know that you were even hiring for!) As a freelance animator myself I believe that I would be a perfect fit for the position and I hope that you consider hiring me to work for your prestigious organization.
If you would like to see some sample animation that I have made please go to the following site :
[free website provider link.]
Which contains not only a comic book about an ice cream man who gets caught up in a zombie apocalypse but also 8 minutes of sample animation from a feature length film that I have been working on by my self. I’ve been working on my movie for about 2 years and I have animated over an hour of footage which means that I can animate feature length movies (90-120 minutes) by myself in a time span of about 3 or 4 years.
Some other services I can offer you include script writing, storyboards, etc…
I also have several movie ideas that I would like to pitch and I have a idea for a movie studio franchise that would sort of work like the holodeck from Star Trek or the place from Total Recall where they inject the vacation packages into people’s heads only instead of injecting things into people’s heads (it’s my understanding that most people don’t enjoy stuff being injected into their heads) people are digitally edited into movies using green screen technology and it prints them out a DVD of their performance in the movie at the end.
Anyways if you would like to hire me to animate stuff for you or if you have any interest in my movie studio holodeck thing then feel free to contact me and I will get back to you with a more detailed outline. My fee starts at the low low price of minimum wage (which is currently $14/Hour where I am, you can however pay me more if you would like!) and I work on a first come first serve basis.
Anyways you are receiving this message because your company was on a list of Film Production Companies located at the following site :
If you believe that you have received this message in error simply disregard this email unless of course you know who the intended recipient/department of this email is and if so please forward this message to them.
Thank you!
-[ first name, last initial]
[free email address]
P.S. Please enjoy a free album download from [free website.]
(I also wanted to turn the album into a movie)

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