Correspondence? If I wanted a desk job I’d…

Sincerely,
Scarlette

Actually, a pretty soft rejection. Perhaps Mrs. Belle would really write that. Thank you.

We regret to inform you that you have failed the editing exam that you were subjected to, as part of the interview process for the post of the city-editor of The Beagle Daily.

We do appreciate your sense of humor in penning the headline of the news-item relating to the collapse of Bow-Wow Bros as: “It was a dark and stormy night”. However, we failed to understand why you provided the same headline for each and every news-item that you edited during this exam.

A little red-haired girl, who also happens to be the daughter of the proprietor of The Beagle Daily, was highly upset that her beautiful drawing of a sunrise, for the children’s section of our paper, also bore the headline: “It was a dark and stormy night”. Mr. Proprietor failed to understand the intended humor, if any, behind this headline, neither could our entire editorial panel.

After having vetted your editorial skills, we regret to inform you that your application for post of a city-editor with The Beagle Daily stands rejected.

However, our marketing department mentions that there is a little boy, down the street, named Charlie Brown, who is searching for a dog. We suggest you knock on his door. Should he welcome you in and make a place for you in his home and in his heart, we send him our sympathies.

We predict he will soon say: Why can’t I have a normal dog like anyone else?

Best Woofs,

Big Beagle
Chief Editor
The Beagle Times

Thank you for you application for Captain of the newly re-designed Enterprise. Although we appreciate your dedication and dramatic flair, we must decline your request.

Although you have saved the planet (as well as others in the galaxy) many times over, your voyages are costing us more than $50 trillion a year. We cannot continue to stock dilithium cystals to suit your cowboy antics, nor can we continue build starships each time you crash one into a planet.

Then there is the issue of the harassment charges from 259 ladies (three dozen of whom are demanding paternity tests). We have a legal team of 20 handling your cases on a full time basis.

We therefore regret to inform you that we can no longer hire you in this capacity and would like to offer you a desk job at the United Federation of Planets Headquarters.

Yours Truly,
Admiral Rebecca Firth

We were pleased to receive your resume and letter of application for the job in our hospital as a nurse’s aide. The hospital appreciates your candidness when you say that although you tried this position as a volunteer during the recent war and felt you were not truly “cut out” for this vocation but you feel that your experiences recently have made you more aware of how death affects all walks of people.
I have read with pleasure the reference supplied by your aunt in Atlanta and know her as a great lady of the city and a true daughter of the South. She also mentions that she believes the loss of your daughter has indeed made you more open and understanding toward those who are in pain and sickness. We also knew your late mother and she too was a shining example of community and social service.
The reference given us by your nanny and companion Mammy by way of her testimony here to us also presents the changes that have occurred in your life and the recent loss of your husband, Captain Butler, although we were unsure exactly how he perished. Mammy mentioned his leaving you in a dark sad place so we have assumed his demise and your daughter’s death have left you with much time on your hands and a need to connect with others.
You are very kind to offer to forego payment if we allow you to help treat the older men who spend much time with us and have also sustained losses of family with declining health. We are sure that your plantation upbringing would be an asset allowing them to reminisce and recall their former days of life in the Old South.
However, Ms O’Hara-Butler, we are in dire need of real nurses and those with a desire to minister to the ill and tend their health problems. We are looking for very young women we might train for nursing rather than a more companion-like employee.
Though we are assured of your need to help others, we do not feel this is the best fit for your skills. With your permission, we would like to refer your resume and references to another group who are looking for volunteers to teach more basic things like cooking, sewing, child-rearing, marriage counseling, etc.
Again, thank you for your application and if you still want to work in the hospital as a volunteer, there might be work for your hands assisting the former soldiers with their correspondence.

Yours truly
Mrs. Belle Watling,
Head of Nursing – Atlanta Hospital

Dear Mr. Yogi Bear,

Thank you for your application to be a ‘bed-tester’ in our furniture showroom. We have no doubt on your ability to sleep soundly through the cold winter months.

Further, we agree, that seeing you all tucked in and fast asleep, will prompt many a buyers to even purchase our uncomfortable yet overpriced mattress, beds and other accompanying accessories.

However, we have to sadly admit, that you failed miserably during our trial run. You see, you snore very loudly. This noise will keep all potential customers miles away from our shop.

Nonetheless, we hope there are no hard feelings and we wish you and your friend Boo Boo a happy winter season.

Happy snoring (sorry, blissful peaceful sleeping).

PS: Do not try to break into our showroom to sleep on the beds. Each bed in our showroom has been provided with concealed wiring to give you an electric shock should you attempt anything so foolish. The Ranger has also been duly informed of this possibility and he will be keeping an eye on you and Boo Boo.

Yours sincerely,

Mr ZZZZ
Sole proprietor,
Comfy Beds Showroom,
Near Jelly Stone National Park
USA.